Life after 40

Life after 40... how did i get here so fast? When I was 20 years old, turning 40 seemed so far away. Yet, here I am, 41 to be exact. I have to say it is not at all as bad as I thought it would be. I have a decent job, an apartment that I absolutely love and over all I am very happy and blessed with where I am at in my life.

 

Oh, did I forget to mention, that I am single with no children.  

 

When most people find out how old I am, that I am single, and that I have no children, I usually get a very shocked and confused expression from them. At 41, woman should be married, and raised a child or two or three. But sometimes life doesn't always work out that way. 

 

I've had my share of relationships. They start off happy, having a lot of fun and getting to know each other. Then as time goes on, things just don't work out. So then its on to the next. You try to learn from the last relationship on what not to do, but it still just seems like a vicious cycle of red flags over looked, and before you know it you're in the same spot all over again. 

 

The saying "Rejection is God's protection" always comes to mind when yet another relationship doesn't work out. But, is rejection really God's protection?. Sometimes it seems like certain relationships could have worked out but didn't. Makes you think, what was God protecting you from?. 

 

Well, we may never truly know all that we were protected from, but as for me, I am thankful for that protection. So now here comes the good stuff, relationship stories. 

 

My last relationship ended 2 years ago. We were together for 3 years. Seemed like it would be the real deal. Lots of laughs, memories were made, trips taken together. But, that didn't last long. Soon, the lies started to come and were more and more frequent, the sense that something was off became to real and the confidence I had in myself started to fade away. 

 

Investing so much of yourself into someone else, seems impossible to walk away from. Especially when the love you had for that person was so genuine and pure. At that time, the love I had for him was so strong, that no one, and i mean no one could tell me anything bad about him. But, eventually I had to open my eyes and see that I was in a very unhealthy relationship. I distanced myself from my family and friends. I held so much inside that I felt like I would explode at any moment. 

 

The day I left him was the day I felt that heavy boulder lifted off my shoulders. I can't say that after that moment things just turned around and everything was fine and dandy, because it wasn't. But It was the beginning of me getting my life back. 

Sunday 9/3/2023

Finding myself again was not easy. Ongoing is this journey. But now the lessons, mistakes, and challenges I have gone through have just heightened my sense of awareness of my strengths, my beauty and the fact that I can overcome anything with the right support, from my family and friends.

 

After leaving that relationship, I had a lot of thinking and reflection to do. I believe that is something we all tend do, when making changes in our lives. And it became clear to me that I was in an unhealthy relationship and it was a very narcissistic one. Now if you are not aware to what a narcissistic relationship can look like, as I was not aware, let me briefly explain.

 

“Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.” I would have never thought I’d end up in a relationship like this, but here I was defining all those things, realizing that I had been existing in one all along. This kind of personality can really mess with the persons mind. As for me, I was left a lot of times in confusion, doubt, feeling stressed and worried.

 

Now let me say this, I am not perfect by any means, but after understanding this it helped me realize that I was not a crazy person. I know there are other women and men who have dealt with these types of people and can understand the verbal, mental, emotional and physical affect a narcissist can have on you.  I could have continued to play the victim role but, I took this knowledge and used it for my growth, and through that growth I learned that I will not allow red flags to block my judgement of what I deserve.

 

So, I did what I was taught to do (growing up in a Christian home), I prayed and asked God to help me. And allowed Him to begin the healing process to make me whole again, because I was in a lot of broken pieces.

 

While I was in the relationship, our plan was to move to the great state of Texas (I was living in California then). I put in my transfer with my job and to be honest thought it would take months, possibly a year before I got the transfer approved. Well, it took 2 months after I put the transfer in and 3 days after I released myself from the relationship. If that wasn’t a “But God” moment I don’t know what is.

 

I accepted my transfer and told my family and friends that I would be moving to Texas in a month. This move was scary and stressful. The unknown was ahead, and I was going to go full speed regardless. The one thing that offered me peace was knowing I had one of my sisters and her family there.

 

So, the time came, and I took off to Texas with four suitcases and a bag of shoes.  The open road was waiting and the company I was with made it even more exciting. So, we began the long 22-hour road trip. Leaving behind the old pieces of me, looking forward to forming a new me, a healthier me and all the possibilities I thought lied ahead.

Sunday 9/10/2023

TEXAS….it definitely is different from sunny, breezy, Southern California. A fresh start, a new beginning. No one knows who you are, and for the first time in years you are the new girl in town.

 

Starting over is stressful, especially in a new state.  Finding a place to live, looking for the nearest market, and of course for us ladies, finding a good nail shop.  My sister was a big help, showing me around. But still, the nervousness came, as I thought what this new life would look like for me, Jennifer, on my own.

 

The first three months here were tough and to be honest I wanted to go back home. I missed my parents, my other sister, family and friends. And at times, I felt I made a mistake leaving the relationship I was in, because of the familiarity it brought me.  But I knew this was where I needed to be, as the bible says, “for such a time as this”.

 

Because my faith is so important to me, I decided to find a local church and plug myself into a bible study. Thankfully, I found one and it helped me along my healing process. I was also able to receive counseling there as well and that allowed me to be more open and transparent about what I’ve gone through and how to move forward.  For anyone who is on the fence of therapy or counseling, let me tell you it is definitely a good choice to make. You learn so much about yourself that you may have not realized needed to be let out.

 

Another thing I enjoyed doing was taking a drive down the roads and getting lost, I found it to be somewhat relaxing. Being surrounded by beautiful trees and homes, you just couldn’t help but take it all in.

 

So, as I began to adjust to my new state and new work environment, I became more comfortable here. The ending of 2021 went by quickly, my first holidays not being with my parents was a little hard, but I made it through.

 

Four months passed so fast, I started to feel like it was time to look for my own place. As thankful as I was to my sister and bro in law for letting me stay with them for a few months. It was time, so my sister and I began to look at several apartment complexes around the area, the more we looked, the more motivated I got.

 

A conversation came to mind that I had with my ex when I told him I was completely done with him and moving to Texas, he said “You will never make it out there on your own”. Well, here is another “But God” moment, because, by the end of December 2021, I got a call from an apartment complex I applied for and was told I was approved and could move-in in January 2022.

 

2022 was starting to look good already, and I was so excited to rebuild myself and create this new home just for me.

Sunday 9/17/2023

Finding a place to live, whether it is a house, apartment, condo or townhome is exciting. To create a space that reflects who you are as an individual or even as a family.

 

The whole moving-in experience is stressful in a good way. Buying bedroom/living room furniture, kitchen utensils, décor, etc. This is your opportunity to show your creativity and create an ambiance that brings you the joy and peace needed for your life at that moment.

 

I spent my days off walking the aisle at hobby lobby, tj maxx, and home goods, ready to give them all my money.  My parents were helpful even from afar. I would receive random boxes at my door, and a text from my mom saying “mija, there’s a package at your door”. Even though I had a desire to do this on my own, especially as a 40-year-old woman, I was definitely thankful for all they helped me with. So, thanks Mom and Papi.

 

Time went by fast and I was finally feeling like a Texan, ok no I wasn’t, but I was getting more and more comfortable with my new home. Went to my first Rodeo March 2022, with my sister and family. It was a good way to experience Texas and feeling like a cowgirl. You already know I bought myself a cowboy hat, still need to buy the boots.

 

May 2022 came quick and your girl turned the big 4-0. Normally on big milestone birthdays like this I would throw myself a party, but that year was different. So many things went through my mind, like why was I still single, why am I still childless, why was my life changing so much. I had so many questions and no answers. I was missing all my family back home and thankful when my parents flew out here to celebrate with me and that helped me feel better. I felt I needed to go somewhere, do something fun and get myself out of my head even for a moment.  So I planned a trip to San Antonio. I was so happy when two of my friends agreed to join me, one flew in from Arizona and the other from Dallas. So, for the most part, my 40^th turned out to be a great birthday.

 

Summer in Texas is hot. I don’t mean “oh, it’s hot out let’s go to the beach”, like California. I mean hot, like “I am staying inside for the next 6 months” hot. This is when I miss the California weather. But I made it through and once again the holidays were upon us. For those of you that don’t know, I am a big fan of Christmas. To decorate my own place for the first time for Christmas I was ready for it, so, I bought myself a 7ft tree, and all the ornaments and lights, and played Christmas music all the time.  

 

2022 was about to end, and 2023 was coming fast. I was home. And, just as before, I was ready for a new year. But big life changing decisions were ahead, and I wasn’t prepared for what was coming.   

Sunday 9/24/2023

For this week’s blog I decided I wanted to revisit the topic of narcissism and how it played a role in my relationship. I am not a professional therapist, and this is not professional advice. This is just my life experience and how I came out of it and have dealt with it. I know there are many other people who have gone through situations far worse than I did and have gotten out. For those who read this and are still in such relationships, I hope this encourages you to open your eyes and see that it is not a healthy relationship and you deserve better.

 

After realizing the trauma, I developed from that relationship and dealing with the aftermath of it mentally, I realized there was work and healing to be done. At the beginning, the relationship started off with good communication, fun dates, and getting to know one another. Feeling cared for and the feeling that you are with someone who wants to protect you and makes you feel like you are the only one that matters. I felt a sense of comfort.  The text messages of my whereabouts, the want for me to text when I got somewhere and wanting to know how long I would be there seemed normal. I didn’t see anything wrong with that kind of communication at first, but then it got worse, texting me if I was longer than thirty minutes in the store, or if I wasn’t on the freeway at certain time after work I’d be questioned why I left late, accused of talking to other guys and told not to call him the rest of the day. All those things are signs of control, manipulation to let you think they have your best interest at heart, that your safety matters to them, that they are just worried for you. That was his motive and it was also a way to keep tabs on me so I wouldn’t think or question the things he was doing behind my back.

 

Little by little the communication I had with the people close to me started to be less and less. The less I spoke to people about my relationship, and/or our issues, then I wouldn’t be able to get their opinions or other views of how things were going in my relationship. He wanted me to speak to only him and share my feelings and things on my mind only with him because this way I wouldn’t think that we shouldn’t be together. Another example of his controlling ways was some of his family members, who I was close with, were told to not contact me, if they needed to speak to me, they could contact him first.

 

In my research of narcissism and trying to understand some of their traits, amongst many, I found that alcoholism, gambling and cheating can be some signs. He was drinking a lot more than he would in the beginning, gambling a lot more, and losing more money. I thought it was a little hobby at first but the more he lost the angrier he got and would take it out on me. This led to him being more verbally abusive, because I would suggest to him that he shouldn’t do it anymore. He began to suggest that if I loved him so much then I would help him with his bookie and lend him money to win back.  Things continued down that road, he would talk down to me as if I was crazy and creating things in my head. Simple things like, we would make plans for a date, and when the day came I would ask what time he wanted to go and the response given was “We aren’t going anywhere, why did you think we were going somewhere?”, I would begin to question myself and think ‘did I make that up?’.

 

As a woman I would have gut feelings that he was cheating on me and when I would question him about it, I was given misleading replies, “I’m always with you, when would I have time to cheat on you?” or “You’re so insecure, all I do is work, I sleep, and I’m with you!”. I found out that he was in fact cheating on me the whole 3 years of us together. The genuine love I gave him, and showed him, was not given back to me. I was manipulated to think that he wanted to marry me, that he wanted to spend his life with me, but it was all a lie.  He said things I wanted to hear to keep me quiet and happy for a moment but reverted back to his old ways shortly after.

 

The heart wanted one thing, but the mind knew better. I am forever thankful for the moment I prayed for the Lord to give me the strength to leave because if I would have stayed, the joy, laughter and happiness in me would have eventually been lost.  

Sunday 10/1/2023

Ok, so back to where I left off, a new year had come once again, new year’s resolutions had been made and some had already been broken. I made it through my first year in my apartment and it has become my place of serenity. But, for anyone who has lived alone, you know it can get lonely at times. I had been thinking for a while that I wanted a pet, and I decided I would buy a dog. 

 

January and February came and went, I looked at different pet stores for a small dog, a yorkie of course was perfect. But, you all know these type of dogs are expensive, well one day my mom called me up and told me a cousin of mine back in CA had some yorkies for sale, so I gave her a call and locked it in, I was going to be a dog mom and I couldn’t wait to get him. During this time, I noticed I was starting to not feel well, I was extremely fatigued, and weak. So, I went to the doctor to see what was going on.  To explain this next part, I will have to take things back about three years ago (end of 2020). I was in a car accident, that caused me to go to emergency to see if I had any internal bleeding, I had a cat scan done and thankfully no internal bleeding was found, but I was told that they did see a mass on my left pelvis and that I would need to follow up with my doctor. My doctor confirmed, that I had two tumors on my pelvis. At that time, they were small, and thankfully were non-cancerous and in fact were Fibroids, and the doctor said they could possibly shrink.

 

I had plans and intentions of having them removed back in 2021, but that was when my life got a little chaotic and I moved. So, didn’t do anything, and 2022 I didn’t have many symptoms or side effects due to them. Fast forward to March 2023, when I went to see the doctor, they did an ultrasound and I found out that both fibroids did not shrink but they had grown, both to the size of grapefruits. This was causing me extreme pain, bad backaches, horrible cramping and I continuously felt fatigued, and became anemic. Also, because of the size of the fibroids and them both sitting on my uterus, it caused me to have an enlarged uterus, 7x larger than the normal size (I know for any guys reading this, you all don’t understand, but it’s not fun).

 

My doctors and I talked about what my options were, one was to remove the fibroids, and hope they would not grow back, and to also burn or shrink my uterus, but since the ultrasound showed the uterus was so big that ended up not being possible. The second option was to have a hysterectomy and remove everything to prevent any more fibroids from growing back and not worry about my enlarged uterus anymore, but that meant, giving up any chance for me to carry a baby naturally. Now, for us females, the thought of a hysterectomy is crazy. Our womb is precious, a place to carry, hold and nurture a baby for nine months. Even the bible tells us that God knew us before he formed us in the womb of our mothers (Jeremiah 1:5), so it is precious, and if you remember in the first blog, I shared I have no children, so it was a big decision to make. I prayed a lot about what I should do, I spoke with family and friends and got different opinions, but in the end; it was up to me on what I wanted to do to better my quality of life. I did not want to suffer every month in pain, and I made my decision to have a hysterectomy.

 

So, after finalizing that decision with my doctor, and the many emotions that came after, I was set to have this major surgery at the end of June 2023. Once again my life was changing and I continued to ride every wave that came along.

Sunday 10/8/2023

Surgery week quickly approached; and I was set for my 6 weeks off work for recovery. My mom was here for two weeks, and my dad came a week after. I was nervous, anxious but I was ready. I went the day before surgery for my pre op lab work, and appointment with my doctor for final walk through. Once I saw my doctor, she was not happy, and I was admittedly a little worried. Basically, I was extremely anemic, and she was worried that I would need multiple blood transfusions. Prior to this I had never dealt with anemia, so I wasn’t sure what this all meant. My doctor explained that I would lose a lot of blood if she did surgery robotically (smaller incisions), so in turn this meant, she would have to just cut me open, and possibly resulting in one blood transfusion and a bigger scar. I said to do whatever needs to be done so I won’t lose an excessive amount of blood. What I wasn’t aware of, was that because the change of operation, new paperwork would have to be resubmitted to my insurance and now my surgery was postponed a week.

 

I was so stressed out, since I was already off of work, and one week lost meant one less week of recovery gone. I called my insurance company every day to see if my claim was viewed and approval was submitted to my doctor. Leaving me full of emotions each day. I was mad that this was happening, I would cry all day because I was so stressed out. I had family and friends praying for me, and just reassuring me that all of this would be ok, it happened for a reason, so I should just rest.

 

Finally, Friday came, and I got a call from my doctor’s office, surgery was approved and would be scheduled on that following Wednesday. I cried out of relief but also still so many mixed emotions. Surgery day came, my mom and dad were with me and one of my coworkers came to the hospital for support as well and it was time to tackle yet another aspect of healing and my new life in Texas. Surgery was done and now it was time for recovery. It was a rough first week and a half. Sadly, the time had come for my mom and dad’s departure, and I was not ready for them to leave me. Nothing about this was easy and having them with me really helped a lot. I thank God for them every day.

 

Five weeks of recovery at home, no driving, no lifting and no heavy house chores.  In an attempt not to get bored and keep busy, I read books, started a puzzle (I never finished) and watched so many movies, but there was only so much I could do without having that cabin fever feeling overcome me, but this is what recovery and healing was calling for so I had to do what I had to do. Thankful for my sister who would come clean my apartment (sweep and vacuum) and pickup my groceries, thankful for family and friends who came over to visit me and keep me company. I was starting to feel like a new person, redefining my body and allowing it to heal and developing my strength again. For the first time in months, I was feeling myself, and I was excited to live life pain free.

Sunday 10/15/2023

One-month post op and I was feeling great. Back at work, on light duty. Getting back into the swing of things. As mentioned previously, I was re-transforming myself, not only physically but also spiritually. Earlier in the year I purchased a devotional book titled “Stronger” by Lisa Bevere and was consistent for one month then I stopped reading. Well after surgery during my time off I disciplined myself to grow a personal relationship with the Lord and I got back to reading it once a day and it definitely has helped me change my heart and want to be a better person and share the love God has for me with others.

 

Physical and spiritual care for myself has become something I enjoy doing now. The bible says, “for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come”. 1 Timothy 4:8. With that in mind, I began to  set time aside to do both workout and study my word. In my early thirties I was super addicted to working out. I was so focused on the numbers and not the health aspect of it, that I lost a lot of weight, but I didn’t look healthy. However, now the healthier healing part of me has taken on a different approach to this and I am learning that it is about balancing your food intake and working out to enjoy a healthy lifestyle.

 

How many of you know that sometimes we lose weight and then in turn we gain it back and 10x more? It’s a vicious cycle. Dedication and motivation are important, staying consistent helps, and I remind myself every day that I am stronger than I was yesterday and to keep going don’t give up. There is some amazing woman I know (coworkers and family friends) that inspire me each day for their dedication to bettering their health and building their strength. The encouragement to keep going and advice on workouts to do helps to build confidence. So keep going, you are doing a great job!

 

As I continue to grow in these two areas in my life, I am also prepping to be a fur mama. As I mentioned I am getting a little yorkie. His name is Kashi (for those of you who watch anime, he is named after Kakashi in Naruto, I just shortened it). I already have so much love for this little guy and I will finally have him at the end of October.  For me this is special as it is going to allow me to nurture, love and care for something other than myself, this is filling the little void I have for not having children.  My heart is so excited, and I have so much love to give him.

 

The bible says,

“weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning”. Psalms 30:5.

 

The last two years has been a rollercoaster of changes for me, full of many emotions, but now I see it all coming together, the Lord has amazing plans ahead for me (and you if you allow Him to show you all he has for you) and this new chapter in my life. I am happy that it is already full of love and joy.

Sunday 10/22/2023

Making changes to better your life and way of living is a challenge at times. Through out these last two years I’ve made many changes. Along with what I have shared in my previous blogs, another change I made was to learn to be more independent and confident in myself as an individual. Sometimes we lean on others to give us that feeling of being whole or feeling confident. But not every one who you have in your life wants to see you succeed. 

 

People, whether they are family or close friends may not always speak positivity into your life. The Bible says: “Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33.  I had to learn that it is ok to walk away from friendships that were not helping me in bettering myself. A wonderful woman told me years ago “Not everyone can be your friend, because they might only want to bring you down instead of lifting you up”. Today, keeping my heart, soul and mind at peace and filled with joy, is what I try to do everyday. Does that always work out for me that way? Not all the time. But growing spiritually has helped me go to prayer first, praying for wisdom and guidance to be better. 

 

This also plays a role in my dating life. Which at this moment I don’t have one. This is by choice. Stepping into the world of dating is scary for me. After my breakup, I didn’t make wise choices on who I went out with. But I was able to notice some red flags sooner than later and removed myself from them. I'm learning that I have a say as to what I am looking for in my next relationship.  And if they don’t fit my expectations, then it’s ok to walk away from it. See, “growth and healing” :-). 

 

This only made me realize that I need to make sure all my prior hurts are healed because it is not wise to take that into any new relationship. A mistake that I mentioned early on is that we go back to the same things we know or things that seem familiar because we didn’t quite heal from the hurt or trauma in our life prior. Don’t be afraid to take your time to heal, and find the joy and peace you need for yourself. 

 

The Bible says: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans15:13

 

I can’t be in the same place  I used to be or surrounded by the same people who aren’t willing to uplift and encourage me the way I would do for them, if I want a different and better outcome for my life going forward. 

Monday 10/30/2023

Yes, Life…. To be continued but for the time being if you haven’t already, please take a moment to catch up on previous posts. 

Also, thank you all so much for the support. I very much appreciate it. May you all have a blessed week. And check back next Sunday. 

Sunday 11/12/2023

Hello there, my friends, I hope you all are well. As you may have noticed I took some time off from the norm, a time of rest and relaxation is something we all need. Time away from the noise of everyday life, work and the responsibilities we have. A time to clear your mind and do what makes you happy. 

The Bible says, “But now the Lord my God has given me peace on every side; I have no enemies, and all is well.” 1 Kings 5:4

 

I traveled back home to sunny Southern California, where I was greeted with beautiful weather and clear skies. I had the ocean on one side and mountains on the other.  It was nice to be back home. 

 

I picked a perfect time to travel home, and the day of my arrival, I was blessed to have been able to attend my dad’s Pastor Appreciation Day service at his church, not sure if I ever mentioned my dad is a pastor? (That is a whole other topic to be honest). I enjoyed seeing all the love and hearing all the sweet, kind and appreciative words from the congregation. It was beautiful. 

 

Seeing my parents, my middle sister and her family, enjoying their company and laughs made my heart full. Being away from family, away from everything I knew all too well, really brings appreciation to me when I visit. I never thought I’d ever leave California, until I did and even though it was the best decision to move to Texas, leaving family never gets easy. But when you take time to enjoy every moment with those you love, you find happiness and you look forward to those moments again. 

 

The Bible says: “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

 

Love on those around you. Have a blessed Sunday. 

Wednesday 11/22/2023

The Lord definitely knew that me getting Kashi (my Yorkie) would add so much extra joy and happiness into my life. It was a great decision and I know he was meant just for me. It’s been a full two weeks since I have had Kashi officially living with me.

 

It has been a big adjustment for the both of us in more ways than one. I took him away from all that he knew, his mom and dad, his siblings, and owners. His world changed just as much as mine did. I had to show him that he could feel comfortable with me, trust me, and having him sense that I will take care of him from now on.

 

I had been told that dogs are a lot of work, and that they are often compared to babies. I can see that now. My schedule has changed to accommodate Kashi, as we go through this potty training process and getting him familiar with his new environment. Looking for the right toy, bone or treats for him has been fun… it’s all about adjusting.

 

Even with all the changes right now, and keeping in mind that now I have a pet at home who is waiting for me so I can’t stay away to long. I have to say I am loving every minute of it all, again life adjustments.  It makes me think about decisions and changes we make in our life, all the big life decisions I have made already, moving here to Texas and deciding to have a Hysterectomy and not being able to birth children. We don’t really know the outcome of those changes until we make them.

 

Reminds me of a verse in the Bible:

“Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will find the right way to go. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe.”

Proverbs‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬-‭11‬ ‭

 

I am happy and thankful to God to be in this place of peace and harmony. For the understanding that this is just how my story is to be, and the beauty that it is still unfolding.

Monday 11/27/2023

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭

And just like that, it’s the holiday season once again. Is it just me or are the days, months and years just flying by? 

I’ve shared before how Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and you already know my Christmas tree is up and decorated. But this time of year, does bring a little sadness to my heart. 

 

I think back on my childhood and being with my family and cousins and having so much fun playing together and making plans to make tamales, prepare for our gift exchange, and thinking what will my outfit be for Christmas pictures. My nana (grandma) always had Christmas music playing, and something was always cooking when we would go visit. Us kids running in and out the house, repeatedly being told “stop running in the house”.  

 

One of my aunts always had us singing songs preparing us for our Christmas carols we would do every Christmas Eve around the neighborhood. Now we are all grown and  are separated from cities and states, through the years we have lost so many loved ones and all we have remaining from them are the sweet memories we created together. And it makes this time bittersweet for me. 

This new journey I have been on, though challenging at times, has filled me with great accomplishment. As the years go by and things change, I continue to trust in the Lord and I am learning to create new memories and new experiences in the place I am at. 

Like the verse above says “there is a time for everything”, we don’t know what others may be going through and what their season looks like or how they may feel. Let's try to give grace to everyone, to share love and joy anytime we can, which isn’t always easy but it sure won't hurt to try. 

Sunday 12/17/2023

The holidays come and go so fast. Sometimes we enjoy them and sometimes they are just another day. This year I was adamant about taking time off to enjoy the company of my parents being in town. As I’ve shared in my previous blogs, we are a close family, and being in another state now away from them gets hard at times. I plan a couple trips back home to California and my folks plan a couple trips here to Texas (again my little sister and her family are here also). These moments are special, but there’s something about being together for the holidays that mean a lot more.

 

We may not have big plans laid out, but spending time together and laughing and talking and eating together is special. The days, months and years are going by so fast, you have to take time for yourself and those you love because you never know when you may not have those moments again.

 

Share the memories with those around you, share the traditions old or new. We get caught up in the social media world and the new technology (like this blog haha reaching people who I may not even know).  Sometimes we need to put it all aside and enjoy the moment.

 

You may not be in the holiday spirit for whatever reason and that is ok. But if you have the opportunity to help someone, share joy with someone even provide a meal for someone, do it. Not just now because of the season but any other day of the year. We are all going through our own struggles or trials that may not be visible to others, so if you can be a light to someone and help them have a special moment then do it.

 

To end this blog for today remember that Jesus is the reason for the Season.

Much love, joy and peace to you all!

 

“He took with him Mary, to whom he was engaged, who was now expecting a child. And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. She gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.” Luke‬ ‭2‬:‭5‬-‭7‬ ‭

Sunday 12/31/2023